Becoming Whole: What Every Christian Single Should Know Before They Date

I recently had the privilege of speaking at Oasis Ministry’s Singles Seminar, and I’m so grateful to Cindy for the opportunity. With nearly 40 years of marriage and almost two decades as a life coach, I’ve learned that relationship success doesn’t start with “finding the one”—it starts with becoming the one.

Why I'm Passionate About This

My husband and I have worked with couples since the beginning of our marriage. But what stirred my heart more recently is seeing how often singles enter relationships unprepared. Most of us were taught not to have sex before marriage—but no one told us what to do in a dating relationship. Questions like:

• What is the purpose of dating?

• How do I know if someone is the right one?

• What should I look out for?

These are why I wrote my book “Look Before You Leap: A Simple Guide for a Healthy Relationship.”

First Things First: Are You Whole?

Many singles believe marriage will complete them. But the truth is—you are already complete in Christ. John 10:10 says Jesus came so we could have life to the full—now, not when we meet someone.

Before you pursue a partner, pursue intimacy with God. Know Him deeply—how He loves, guides, and heals. He is the prize. From that connection flows healing, identity, and emotional maturity.

Healing Before Dating

All of us carry patterns from past relationships—many unhealthy. If left unresolved, these wounds show up in marriage and get passed to children. Now is the time for healing.

Psychiatrists Curt Thompson and Anne Halley identify six core longings we all share:

• Love

• Belonging

• Safety

• Significance

• Purpose

• Understanding

When unmet, we unconsciously seek others to fulfil what only God can. We become needy, desperate, and vulnerable to unhealthy dynamics. But when these longings are met in Christ, we enter relationships whole—ready to give, not just receive.

Core Message: Be the Right Person

Marriage isn’t about finding someone to meet your needs. It’s about being emotionally and spiritually healthy enough to love like Christ. That requires:

• Intimacy with God

• Healing from past wounds

• Maturity in your identity

• Understanding your purpose

  
  

Practical Discernment

When you know who you are and what you’re called to, you can assess if someone fits your team. Are they emotionally mature? Can you partner in life’s responsibilities? Does the relationship add to your purpose?

Take romance off the pedestal for a moment. Look at character, values, habits, and vision. If you’ve done your personal work, red flags won’t be subtle—they’ll scream.

Final Thoughts

If you desire marriage, prepare now. If not, pursue healing anyway—for your own growth, your friendships, your purpose, and your future legacy.

Christ is calling you to wholeness. Let Him meet your deepest longings, so that one day, if you do marry, it will be from a place of wholeness, not deficit.

Resources

• Look Before You Leap – On sale @ Amazon.com

• Life coaching sessions available 

Let’s keep growing. And if you need someone to walk with you, I’m here.

Warmly,

Regina