Purpose in the Pain

We all go through hard situations in our lives. Trauma, health challenges, emotional struggles, and pain. Everyone can share a story or two about theirs. I’d like to share some thoughts on what I think can make some people come through stronger and better, for having gone through it. 

Some people seem to have more than their share of heartache to be sure but here is no comparing anyone’s struggle and pain. It’s all real, it’s all hard, and can be very disheartening. It can make even the simplest daily tasks feel impossible to tend to. It sucks any joy out life too. Yet there are those who rise above it. Why? How?  I’d like to share my thoughts on this using my own personal experience. I hope it can make a difference for others going through a difficult period of life right now.

I remember as a young teenager, around 13 years old, I was facing many changes and challenges that I didn’t know how to handle. I was still a child. I was feeling so scared and alone. The weight of it all showed up in my body. I felt sick most of the time. I had headaches, dizziness, stomach issues and then started having severe anxiety and panic attacks. It felt like from one day to another I was in a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from.

 Back then, there was not much attention brought to the subject of anxiety. No one knew what was going on with me. Today anxiety is common to everyone. Mine had become so severe I couldn’t go outside, also known as Agoraphobia. It was extremely hard to come back from. In short, I lived in an anxious state, literally paralyzed by fear. It stole everything from me. I couldn’t go to school, I lost my friends, I lost my self-worth. It basically stole my whole teenage life. I lived with shame, depressed by it all.  

During this time, the only thing that kept me from going over the edge was my faith in God. I read my prayers every night and developed a belief that somehow God would lead me out of this nightmare. It wasn’t an easy or quick road. It was hard, really hard, and it took a tremendous amount of work, courage, learning and re-learning to get past the fears and the lies I believed about life and myself. 

There was one thing that gave me strength and courage to keep going, it was a belief that somehow this would be used for my good, to help others. That gave me all I needed to face my fears and build my life again. It gave me a fight inside. I became stronger, more resilient, and found the voice I never had. It gave purpose to the pain and loss. I somehow believed I would gain more from this unchosen path than what I had lost. 

One belief, that God would redeem all I was going through someday. It comforted me to think this horrible experience would not be in vain. Years later, being on the other side of it, I can honestly say my belief was true. I never dreamed I would be able to walk the paths I have walked after what I had been through, had it not been for the anchoring belief of my faith.

To my original thought about what gets us through the hardest times of our lives, I would have to say something bigger than us. It may not make sense now but at some point, maybe we can allow ourselves to consider a bigger picture. This can’t be all there is.  Maybe, just maybe, it can keep us from succumbing to the weight of it on the worst days or give us strength to push forward on the better days. Why do people who had had cancer say it changed them for the better? If we see nothing but pain and sorrow as our future: it will lead to despair. There must be something or someone that pulls you forward and leads your gaze a little higher. A belief that gives you hope.  Again, it doesn’t make things easy, but it gives the pain purpose and gives you back a part of your life as well. You get to choose how pain and suffering will define you.

One of many scriptures I held onto during it all:

I would have despaired had I not believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13.