Holding Both: Finding God’s Grace in Grief and Joy

What a ride these past few months have been. My beautiful daughter got married and we had all the festivities surrounding a wedding going on. A fun Bridal shower and a wonderful celebration for her wedding and reception. The wedding day was such a joy filled celebration, filled with lots of love, laughter, feasting, speeches and dancing. To top it off I gained the best son-in-law ever.

The flip side to the festivities was quite the contrast. As you all know, For the past few months, I’ve been caring for my mother who was in a rehab facility.  During all the fun and happy moments of planning the wedding, three weeks before the wedding, my sweet mom passed away.  It’s still hard to comprehend that I was planning a wedding and a funeral at the same time. It was surreal. I was experiencing a roller coaster of emotions as I processed all that was going on.  People were congratulating me and giving me their sympathies at the same time.

How does a person stand when life comes at you from different sides. How do you show up to your life when you can barely breathe somedays. Grief drains you. It pulls the rug out from under your feet and causes shifts in your brain from the loss. Then there’s the immense sadness that sits on your chest and you feel like you’ll never be the same person again. You feel lost. When it was all over, I felt lost.

Everyone’s path is different, and this was mine. I had friends praying for me and I felt those prayers giving me hope and strength. I had good wise counsel, a lot of loving support, and lots of hugs when the tears poured out. All were gifts from God. I have to say though that when I was alone, it was my faith that upheld me.  I truly believe that God was with me, the whole time. He was my anchor through the emotional storm.

He gave me the grace to stand and show up for it all, to make the necessary decisions, start the grief journey and then to be able to dance all night with pure joy at my daughter’s wedding. I felt the nearness of God when I meditated on scriptures like: 

“The Lord is near to the broken hearted and binds up their wounds”. Psalm 34:18

 “He gives strength to the weary and to those who lack might, He increases power”. Isaiah 40:29

"Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning”. Psalm 30:5 

One night as I was reading scripture in my bed, I heard these words in my heart “I’ve cared for you this far, I’m not going to stop now”. That brought me great strength the day before I had to pack and leave for the wedding venue. 

This was my only daughter’s wedding. She was marrying the man she loved in front of God, family and friends. She too, was grieving the loss of her grandmother during this time and yet comforting me. This was a hard thing to carry. All I wanted was to be present for her in any way she needed and to make our mother - daughter moments together happy and memorable. By God’s grace that was exactly how it turned out. Jesus was and is my lifeline on this difficult journey. 

I teach some of my coaching clients about how we can hold two or more feelings at the same time. It’s how God designed us. When we’re having a hard time, scripture is the truth that sustains us and gives us hope. God’s Word gives us the resilience to   endure when life brings the unexpected. It’s how we stand and overcome trials and yet not deny our humanness and all the emotions it brings. I’m still learning so much about grief since I’m still in the thick of it. Yet, I’m also learning more about the faithfulness of God to strengthen, to comfort and lead us through it all. His word has not only been an anchor, but a light in the darkness. His gentle kindness and enduring love have been like sitting with a close friend. Does that make it easy? Absolutely not! It’s never easy but it makes it bearable and doable. 

If you find yourself in a hard place today too, reach out to the Lord. Allow Him to reveal himself to you in a way you’ve never seen or felt. Sit with his word and read his promises for you. Then I’d also like to encourage you to not isolate yourself. Reach out to someone you trust to help you carry it. It makes such a difference just to be seen and heard, and have your feelings validated and hopefully be held. We were never meant to do this life alone. God gave us one another to be a strength and an encouragement to each other in times of need. The compassion of two or three friends has really helped me during this raw and vulnerable time. Life takes a village. It’s humbling to ask for help sometimes but do it anyway.

I’d like to be here for you as well.  I’ll be taking new clients in August so get in touch with me to set something up.

Thank you for reading along. Let me know if this connects with you. I’d love to hear from you.

Warmly,

Regina Stafford